"Watchmen"

By: Matt Duncan
Coastal View News

Rich, complex novels often make for terrible films. The subtle detail that turns pages can zoom by at 24 frames per second. Unfortunately, “Watchmen” is one of those movies. Instead of wowing the audience with the action and drama expected from a superhero flick, this film meanders and lags. “Watchmen” is a prelude; a labyrinth plot that never becomes a story.

The time is the mid-1980s. The place is New York City. President Richard Nixon is surviving his fifth term in the White House, trying to avoid the annihilation of the human race threatened by an impending nuclear war with Russia. The Watchmen are a band of retired crime fighters, once credited with keeping America safe, but forced out of service by a no-mask law instituted by Nixon. For the most part, these heroes lack extraordinary superpowers; they are talented, but mere citizens with socially conscious parents. There is the Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), for example, who is a brash, satirical cowboy who, in his day, blurred the line between hero and villain. Or there is the Night Owl (Patrick Wilson), who is a batmanesque avenger with a soft heart but hard fists.

New York is becoming a haven for criminals and America is heading for nuclear war, but these vigilantes have nothing to do but drink beer and reminisce about the good old days. But when The Comedian is suddenly and viciously murdered, the Watchmen’s interest is aroused. While the impulse to act remains, the retired avengers have grown comfortable and complacent in their normal, everyday lives. Yet, just when the ever-mounting threat of perpetual violence rises to a crescendo, the heroes of yore decide to don the masks once again in the name of justice.

The plot thickens and the superheroes divide their time between cleaning up the streets, discovering the identity of the culprit behind the Comedian’s murder, and preventing a nuclear holocaust. As is to be expected with a mass of apparently unsolvable superhero problems, the issues are inextricably linked. Now back in action, the Watchmen must search their souls to determine their true place in the world, and to decide where their loyalties lie. While each character has his or her own impulses, each must weigh the value of peace on the one hand, and justice on the other. Are the true heroes those who make the world a better place by any means, or those who do the right thing no matter how much bloodshed ensues?

“Watchmen” is two hours and 43 minutes long. The first two hours is a preamble to a story that never develops. The next 20 minutes are a chaotic but stimulating distraction, and the final 20 minutes … well, who cares? Amid the constellation of political jabs and intellectual quips, there are rather few eye-catching moments and even fewer interesting developments. The feigned intellect of the otherworldly Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup) (who sighs, “If only you experienced time as I do”) and the ridiculous, plastic hair of Ozymandias (Matthew Goode) are merely obnoxious stabs at creating flamboyant superstars. That is, these superheroes are not campy; they are just downright cheesy.

The graphic novel upon which this movie is based is a classic, but the movie is highly forgettable. If the so-called intrigue contained in each character was developed individually into movies called “Dr. Manhattan” or “Ozymandias”, there might be something worth seeing. That is, divide and conquer may have been a better strategy for director Zack Snyder. At it is, “Watchmen” is a slapdash mishmash of nonsense. What’s worse, it is almost three hours worth of nonsense.